Sci-Fi Survival tips
Feb. 26th, 2007 09:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hellziggyThe Sci-Fi Channel has these useful survival tips that it plays in the Sci-Fi Saturday commercial breaks. They're pretty good.
If you successfully clone yourself
It will probably try to kill you.
Wishes can be dangerous
If you catch a leprechaun, kill it.
When building an army of mutant super-soldiers
Don't use the criminally insane.
Not all monsters want to eat you
Some just want your skin.
If the Earth loses its atmosphere
Don't waste your breath screaming.
If it can eat through walls
It can eat through you.
Never swim alone at night
Naked.
If it has 20 legs
You can't outrun it.
In the woods
Everything can hear you scream.
If a giant spider catches you don't panic
It won't eat you for days.
Never go on an epic quest
Without having an exit strategy.
Never play God
Even if you are one.
Just because you're immortal
Doesn't mean you can't get your *** kicked.
If the egg weighs more than you
Don't wait around for it to hatch.
If it's foot is bigger than your house
Don't hide in your house.
Never brew love potions
Around family members.
If it has two heads
It can eat you in half the time.
If it's footprint is bigger than your Hummer
Leave.
Never make fun of fairies
They aren't as cute when they swarm.
Never mate with an alien
No matter how hot it is.
If you discover that you can fly
Don't do it in commercial airspace.
If you can see bits of flesh caught in it's teeth
You're standing too close.
If a giant asteroid is heading for Earth
Duck and cover won't help.
When building a robot don't give it a brain
And if you do don't give it a weapon.
When running from a monster
Never wear high heels.
If a giant snake is trying to kill you
Don't send a larger one to defeat it.
If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice
Don't pledge.
Kids love dinosaurs
Unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
If it comes from outer space
Don't eat it.
If you find human remains
Don't wait around to find out what was eating them.
If you engineer a super-virus
Also engineer an unbreakable test tube.
If you think your town has a werewolf problem
Move.
"No trespassing" signs
Only work for things that can read.
If the static in the TV is talking to you
Don't talk back.
If it's teeth are bigger than it's body
Don't try to pet it.
Massive doses of radiation
Won't give you superpowers.
When using a Ouija board
Only summon people who like you.
If you successfully clone yourself
It will probably try to kill you.
Wishes can be dangerous
If you catch a leprechaun, kill it.
When building an army of mutant super-soldiers
Don't use the criminally insane.
Not all monsters want to eat you
Some just want your skin.
If the Earth loses its atmosphere
Don't waste your breath screaming.
If it can eat through walls
It can eat through you.
Never swim alone at night
Naked.
If it has 20 legs
You can't outrun it.
In the woods
Everything can hear you scream.
If a giant spider catches you don't panic
It won't eat you for days.
Never go on an epic quest
Without having an exit strategy.
Never play God
Even if you are one.
Just because you're immortal
Doesn't mean you can't get your *** kicked.
If the egg weighs more than you
Don't wait around for it to hatch.
If it's foot is bigger than your house
Don't hide in your house.
Never brew love potions
Around family members.
If it has two heads
It can eat you in half the time.
If it's footprint is bigger than your Hummer
Leave.
Never make fun of fairies
They aren't as cute when they swarm.
Never mate with an alien
No matter how hot it is.
If you discover that you can fly
Don't do it in commercial airspace.
If you can see bits of flesh caught in it's teeth
You're standing too close.
If a giant asteroid is heading for Earth
Duck and cover won't help.
When building a robot don't give it a brain
And if you do don't give it a weapon.
When running from a monster
Never wear high heels.
If a giant snake is trying to kill you
Don't send a larger one to defeat it.
If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice
Don't pledge.
Kids love dinosaurs
Unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
If it comes from outer space
Don't eat it.
If you find human remains
Don't wait around to find out what was eating them.
If you engineer a super-virus
Also engineer an unbreakable test tube.
If you think your town has a werewolf problem
Move.
"No trespassing" signs
Only work for things that can read.
If the static in the TV is talking to you
Don't talk back.
If it's teeth are bigger than it's body
Don't try to pet it.
Massive doses of radiation
Won't give you superpowers.
When using a Ouija board
Only summon people who like you.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 03:26 am (UTC)I like #30: All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 05:56 am (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 01:25 pm (UTC)You can't outrun it."
Thanks for posting those!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-28 05:46 pm (UTC)